I have realised that I have no idea what to blog about, but I do feel like blogging though. Nothing much has happened since I've been back at university. Class has started and once again we have just jumped straight into learning about all these random drugs, diseases. This semester, we are focusing on antibiotics and also cancer drugs later in the year I think....even trying to pronounce bacteria names gives me the biggest headache (trying saying neisseria meningitidis or staphylococcus saprophyticus ten times really quickly...), let alone trying to remember what type they are, where they are commonly found, what they caused, which drugs to use on them....etc. etc....
Anyway, thats enough of me ranting on about university, but just now I was trying to be studious and get ahead by doing some study (.....which obviously failed as I am now blogging and listening to music), and I came across a really good song. Once I heard it, I immediately thought of you (you know who are you :P) and I thought that I just had to show you haha
I would change the lyrics just a little bit for you but thats for me to sing and you to listen when we are together haha but before I go and try and study again, I leave you with this song.
For You
Classes start again.....
One month of holidays has already quickly passed. Like everyone else, I am wishing that the holidays could have lasted longer, but theres not much I can do about it now. So right now, I am alone in my room being extremely bored. I would say that my holidays have been pretty eventful. Went to melbourne, got to spend time with my family, helped my sister move houses, worked a few days. The thing that I really dont like the most right now is that I'm alone. Throughout the holidays, I dont think I have been alone. I've always had someone around me and have just kept me company. And now, all of a sudden, I'm all alone again...until the weekend.
I know, I should be ashamed. Whenever someone asks me "oh, what are some good places to go visit or see?", I seriously cannot come up with anything because I havent done fun or exciting things here either......However, I love travelling and am wanting to travel to all the touristy places in australia haha but I will have to keep my fingers crossed and win the lottery before I am able to do all that travelling :-(
Down
One of my favourites
And I don’t want to hear the sound, of losing what I never found.
The Simple Things in Life
Sometimes I wish that i was dumb and clueless...I think life would be much more simpler that way. Not knowing whats going on, having the simpliest things in life making you ecstatic, not overthinking about certain things etc. etc. - the advantages of being clueless just goes on and on. That is why I love playing with my nephew (btw I am not saying that my nephew is dumb! just innocent!). Anything can make him smile and laugh when he's happy, sad, hurt or angry, even if it is just a lolly. Too bad its not as simple when we're adults.
Lately, it seems that I've been making my closest family and friends sad and disappointing them. From here on, I want to list some of my biggest faults. This WILL serve as a warning and motivation for my future self to change these and fix these faults.
My First Fault:
Lately, there always seems to be something that I am constantly racking my brains out, trying to figure out whether it is or it isn't. This has definitely taken its toll on me and my loved ones. This is my first fault, and for this, I apologise. I have lost countless nights of sleep doing this, thinking of every possibility and everything it can and can't be. I try to hide my distraught from my family and friends, as I think that I am protecting them and don't want them to worry. I would rather suffer myself than bring upon sadness and hurt to my loved ones.
My Second Fault:
For those that know me, I not the type of person for confrontation, I would prefer to keep things inside any day. But because of this, when it gets too much, it all comes bursting out, and this is my second and biggest fault. This is the one thing that really kills me when it happens. Although not on purpose, my mum is usually being the one that has to deal with this outburst. Being the good son, my mother has placed all her faith and hopes in me, including her "will to live". Despite knowing this, I have several times 'exploded' at her for something quite simple, but also immense heartbreak and disappointment. It tears my heart apart everytime I do this, but sometimes its like something sweeps over me and it just all comes burst out. THIS IS ONE THING I MUST CHANGE! No matter what....
My Third Fault:
Another fault of mine is my indecisiveness. This is one of the things that irritates me immensely. I do realise that I am very indecisive, but my blood just boils when people have to keep telling me this. Its not like I dont know that I cant make decisions, it annoys me just as much as you that I can't make up my mind! I try to be more decisive, but I just cant keep to one decision! In the past when I have made decisions, everyone has either shot it down or as a result of it made someone very sad or hurt. This is why I would rather someone else make the decisions so I dont hurt someone or make someone unhappy. I feel selfish when I'm the only one making decisions, especially when I will just be shot down or be called stupid for making that decision.
My Fourth Fault:
Paranoia and Depression. These I believe go hand-in-hand. When I get paranoid about something, I get depressed. When I get Depressed, I get paranoid. I used to have a way of controlling my emotions when I'm sad or depressed about something - I would just go out and drive around aimlessly at night, but not just normal driving, rather reckless driving - speeding, cutting people off, blasting my music (often emo music, like I am listening to now). It seems that this was one way to calm my head and my heart down, despite how dangerous it was. But ever since this one particular incident where I completely lost it, nothing seems to work anymore. Its more of a 50:50 chance as to whether i do stupid things or not when I'm depressed. Once again, I feel as if something sweeps over me and I just spiral down into darkness and I just cant seem to get myself out of it, everything just feels heavy and tiring, as if there is nothing out there that can pull me out.
This is also something that I have to learn to control again! But as of now, I am really stumped as to how I will be able to do this....
Parting comment for my future self
Hopefully I will read this again in the future and think how silly i was in the past. Hopefully, i will have changed all of these faults, especially the ones that are highlighted, before it is too late.
Lazyy....
It's been a few days since I've been back from Melbourne, but I've been feeling so lazy to blog about my experiences over there. I can say that overall it was a really good trip - the food was amazing (I do have photos of everything I ate but I can't post them through my phone...), I won a total of 3 dollars at the crown casino!! :D and did a whole heap of shopping too!
However, i am glad to be back on the gold coast. I just feel so much more relaxed and 'at home' when I'm here. Not to mention all the people I love are here! I think that no matter where I end up later in life for work or for my family, I would eventually want to settle down or retire on the gold coast...everything is here - amazing beaches, a car, a nice house, childhood memories....I could go on and on haha but I don't mean to say that I want to be here forever...I do love to travel! But when I get old and want to settle down with my lover, I would want to eventually make my way back there :D well of course it would also depend on my lover haha
Anyway....I have decided to go to Malaysia/Singapore/Thailand (hopefully) during my end of year holidays in November/December!! :D so excited haha hopefully I will have someone to take me to places and show me round or else I will definitely get lost...(no joke, but I still get lost on the gold coast despite living here for 15 years haha) I will definitely make a list of awesome things to do while I'm there... Don wan to be sitting at home all day haha
Well my lunch break is almost over and needn't get back to work,
Bl3h.T
The City of Food!!
Wow I haven't blogged in soooo long....haha not that there are many readers haha but I guess this is a kind of diary that I wish to read back on in my later life so it doesn't really matter how many people read or follow my blog...but at least I know I will always have one! :D
Anyway just finished my exams!! Woo! Passed everything with quite good results haha as a result I am in Melbourne for a holiday for the first time in my life with a few of my friends from uni. (although I would much rather have been here with my babe...)
Melbourne is such a cool place. The food is so good here. Everywhere I look are cages an restaurants and fast food. There are sooooo many places to eat and everywhere that I've eaten at has been awesome!! (and a pretty good bargain too...). I had taken so a photo of every meal I've had here (but I'm on my iPhone and can't upload my photos from my camera - will do that later haha)
So far we have seen the crown casino, aquarium, the markets (spent a bit of money here :P) and just walked around the city for the views and stuff. However one bad thing is that it is FREEZING COLD here in Melbourne...I don't dare to go outside unless I have at least 3 layers of clothing haha but I guess that is part of the experience!
I will be going to the Seafood buffet at the crown casino tonight. (it is only 19.50!!!!!!) so cheap! Hopefully It is good. Haha anyway will keep updating this blog later.
Bl3h.T