Bl3h.T

Yesterday was the first day without my baby around all the time and I must say, I REALLY MISSED YOU! It wasn't easy like old times where I could just drive about 20 minutes and I would reach my baby's house and we would hang out. I really don't know how to handle this, but I HAVE to be strong!

This first day marks not an ending but rather a new beginning for both of us. I believe that if we can get through this, then we can only get stronger. Although right now, I'm not sure whether or not my handling strategies are working.

Yesterday I only ate a museli bar, a tiny bit of nasi lemak and a sandwich. Although this may be due to the food poisoning that I may have got on my last day in Malaysia. The day before that I pretty much vomited the whole day and had nothing to eat. Other than that, I spent most of the time texting my baby and when he wasn't free, I would just be sleeping. Sleeping was my way of seeing my baby and I wouldn't miss him as much. I know this is no way of handling this, but for me, I don't know how else to handle it. I've got an extremely important exam on saturday, but i just feel so powerless and unmotivated to do anything. So yesterday, was my day off. A day to try and deal with my withdrawal syndrome.

However, I swear that today will be different! This isn't just about me. When I am sad, my baby feels sad too. Im sure that my baby does not want to see me behaving like this and rotting in my room. I promise that I will study hard and work towards a better future. I can't promise that I will feel the happy and not miss you just like that, but I will try to go on with my life and work hard because I know that you will be in my heart, always. I love you.

Signing Out,

I am officially touched down in Australia after spending a bit over 1 month in Malaysia. The atmosphere here seems very different though. Its quiet and gloomy and....lonely. Even my family feels a bit different since I have arrived. Many things have changed...my baby isnt here, I lost my job, my mum's sick, I have to sell my car.... How can so much have changed in just one month that I have been gone?

I never really liked change. I remember the first year that I moved up to brisbane for my studies, I totally hated it for the first 2 weeks. I soaked my pillow every night. Its a bit childish i know, but for me, change is scary. What if it changes for the worse? What if I can never get back what I used to have? before everything changed. I must say that right now it seems like an impossible task, trying to survive without my baby's presence around me all the time. I will try my best. For once I will try to be brave and face these changes for a better future and a better us. I love you.

Signing Out,

Time passes so quickly when you're having fun. With a blink of an eye I've already been in Penang for 3.5 weeks. Although most of it has been good and fun times, there has also been some not-so-good times. No matter what I think I will remember this trip for the rest of my life. All the food I've eaten, all the places I've been, all the people I've met. I must say I did meet a lot of good people especially at the hospital. Lots of people have treated me for a drink or some famous Penang snacks. I appreciate them showing me some love after coming to a totally different country. Although after coming here, I have realized how different the lifestyle is here, and whether for the good or the bad, I still had a really good time here on Penang. I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to come back but hopefully I will. I would like that. OBVIOUSLY YOU WILL(added by iggy)

I don't really want to go back to my old life...it's boring especially without my baby. But time still passes and life goes on. I graduate at the end of the year. Four years and I'm finally finished. After this I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I want to do something meaningful with this life of mine. Although I doubt that will happen in the direction that my life is going now. Nowhere. Well I guess I'm still young and have the rest of my life to figure this out.

Signing Out,

A song from my all time favourite movie :P



Come What May

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

P.S. I Love You.
 

Signing Out,

I ended my post prematurely last time not on purpose because some one clicked on the wrong button and I was too lazy to delete it. Anyway I was going on about how ever since I got my new glasses I feel as though everyone keeps staring at me. It does feel good as my looks don't normally attract any attention at all, AKA I'm ugly fugly. This is probably all in my head and I probably need to go see a doctor soon but on several occasions I've caught people stop their conversations with their friends just to stare at me hahahaha I must say I could never imagine anything happening like that in my life. I don't even know how I got my partner to fall in love with me hehe Good thing there's still people outthere that doesn't go for looks :P

Although I must admit I do like these new glasses, whether or not it makes people stare that is. I think it suits "my look" I.e. The nerd look. No matter how much I try to be "cool" I fail. I am, was, and always will be a nerd. -[•].[•]-

I'm tired. I just got back from Cameron highlands and iPoh so I will leave this post at this.

Signing Out,

Ever since I have gotten some new glasses, I feel like I've been attracting some unwanted but...nice attention everytime I go out. I don't know if it's whether these glasses make me look good so people are staring and checking me out or if it's just because these glasses make me look retarded haha. There has been several occasions where people were just happily minding their own business.....

Signing Out,

Lately I've been feeling very emo for a certain reason that I'm not even sure if I know what it is. But I just got a pair of new glasses yesterday so hopefully it will make me look at the world differently. I think I've finally let myself go after all these years. Ever since I can remember I've always been very very stubborn about my things. I've never thrown any of my things out or donated or sold them. If it wasn't for my mum I think I would still have every single piece of thing that I've ever owned. Every piece of clothing, every toy, every video tape. It's not that I actually use these sorts of stuff, but it's just that I've never really wanted to part ways with them.

I remember as a baby I used to have this small pillow that I had to cuddle in order to sleep, If I didn't have it, I wouldn't sleep. If I did, I could sleep anywhere. It's kinda embarrassing but I actually still have one. Although it doesn't play as big as a role in my sleep life. However the one I have now is version 2.0. The first one I was forced to throw away because all the wool/cotton inside the pillow was shredded and it was really old. Even though I was about 14-15, I begged my mum not to throw it, but she did. Even though I have a replacement it's not really same. Spending almost 15 years with something and then having it suddenly thrown away is not a good feeling...at the time. As I think back Im thinking how silly I was back then and even until recently. Why try to hang on to something that was good in the past when there could be something better in the future. From now on I am going to wear this attitude on my sleeve. Things, toys, people come and go in life, if they have already left or decide to leave then why chase after it if there's just gonna be better things, newer toys and better people.

Signing Out,

As I listen to the song, "Love the way you lie, pt 2" on repeat, I am thinking about my life. No matter how loud my music get it still does seem to drown out the voices in my head. Ironic since I am sitting outside the psychiatric department of the hospital. Maybe it is time to pay a visit...Silence is so hard to get when I want it, but even harder to get rid of it once you have it. Right now I feel like going to the top of Penang hill and just scream as loud as I can. Now that would feel good! Ive always wanted to do it but have never got the chance to. As a kid I used to scream when home alone...that is until the neighbors started knocking. I remember it used to feel good so why not now?

Anyway enough of my emoness, but i am in my 2nd week of work. It's quite boring. I would rather be anywhere else than here. But what can I do? Somethings just have to be done. Actually my time is up so I'll have to leave this post like this.


Signing Out,