Bl3h.T

Well I'm not talking about the normal relationship breakup....but its with my tiny pillow that i've had for about 19 years now. It such a long time to part with someone. I have to have it when I sleep every night and if I go to someone else's house, I have to have it with me as well. It just always with me and it makes me feel safe when I have it. As a kid I used to get scare things would come and like eat me or something and having this pillow made me feel safer to hug something. but now its time for us to part.....

I am doing it for his own good. He is falling apart and theres nothing I can do about it. Theres holes in the casing and all the stuff in side has broken up into pieces. Its just not the same anymore. All the childhood memories of it, I want to keep everything the same so i think its best for me to break up now. Before things change or it starts breaking even more that I cant recognise it anymore. So for now I'm gonna try to live without it and see whether it is time for me to throw it out. Its not like when I get married I can bring it along with me.

I do feel quite bad about throwing it out because i've had it for so long. Maybe i'll just keep it somewhere but not use it. However, the temptation is still there so maybe it is best to just rip it off fast like a bandaid and just give it away or throw it. Someone else has been eyeing my pillow for a while now....my nephew haha So maybe it is best to just give up and pass it on to someone else...to make some more childhood memories. This is goodbye then.

Signing Out,

Lately, I have had a breakdown to almost everyone I know about my family, what I want to do with the rest of my life etc etc. I have finally made a decision. My medicine dream can go on for another two years, while I finish my last year of pharmacy and do my registration year. After that, I have decided to take a gap year from the money that I would have saved up with my one year of extremely underpaid work as a intern pharmacist (come on, when I graduate I will get paid AUD$15 an hour, whereas as a third year student I was getting paid AUD$20).

I am going to take a year off to travel and sightsee as well as learn to become independent. In a cliche way, it means i am going on a journey to find myself, kinda like Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love, except hopefully it will entail much MUCH more fun than her journey.  I am really excited about this idea, and at the same time scared. I'm afraid the year off will not be enough to try and find myself and what I really want to do in the future. I'm also scared of going on that journey alone, but the excitement of travelling does weight out these fears for now. I want to travel around Asia, America, Canada and maybe Europe..IF i have the money. Hopefully it wont be an issue, and if it does, I've decided to temporarily work overseas in little jobs, such as bartending, waitering, office work etc. 

Signing Out,

Recently I had several annoying run-ins with old people on different accounts and have decided that some  (not all) old people are really picky and sometimes just plain rude! It all started a few days ago on the train. It was really packed and i was pretty much standing shoulder to shoulder to other people on the train. However, the train stopped at its usual stations and more people wanted to get on. As i had just recently go on from the last stop I was pretty much next the door. When the door opened this old man who was standing next to me pretty much shoved me inside and said 'come on move! theres more people trying to get on!'....I seriously wanted to punch the old man. firstly because I was in a bad mood already and there was no space for me to stand any closer. It doesn't stop there. This old man, throughout the train ride, kept mumbling stuff and when he was about to get out he like elbow-ed me in the back as he was getting out. I don't know whether or not it was on purpose or not but it hurt! If he ever comes into my pharmacy, I'm gonna spit in his medications hahaha just kidding. . . .

Another incident also happened on the train. I was minding my own business on the train and there was an empty seat next to me. As I was playing pokemon some game on my nintendo ds trying to kill time, this old lady came and sat next to me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her looking at me, then looking at what I was doing/what game I was playing and then looked at me again. When I looked up, i saw that she had the most digusted look on her face, as if i was watching porn on the train...I had no idea what her problem was with me playing a ds, but she got her stuff and moved and sat next to some old guy in front of me...Seriously, what did I do?!

I dont know but a lot of the older generation here are also quite racist. Im not saying that these two old people were racists (maybe they were, maybe they werent) but I have had several accounts of racism against me despite almost living here for my whole life. I never had much trouble with my school friends, but its when we are out in shopping centres or grocery shops were the 'fun' really starts. Even at the pharmacy, a guai lo request he speak to someone 'not like me' because apparently I couldnt understand him when he repeated 'Australia? Australia? Australia?" when I asked if he wanted a cheaper brand of the medication....I've kinda grown accustomed to it now after living here and it doesnt really bother me...most of the time. But one day I really do wish for a world without racism. Why cant we all just get along? Oh wait..I remember now. Its because asians are smarter! hahaha just kidding. =D

Signing Out,

My title says it all. What really gives us the right to be happy? A chinese saying says that 'one must go through the bitter, before you can taste the sweet'. Is that really true? that we must all suffer through the bad times before we get to have the happiness that we have earned. So is a person supposed to be unhappy if they have never suffered through any of the bad or bitter times. For my whole life I've always lived like a king. I rarely do housework as a kid, only sometimes the dishes and vacuum and mopping the floor. I got almost anything I wanted, I got all the video games, I got all the clothes and newest laptops. Even now, I have the latest phone and the latest gaming consoles. So according to the chinese saying, am I supposed to be miserable until I've gone through some hard times. Maybe I never really deserved this happiness.

At this moment, I feel like someone had made a mistake in my life and given me all this happiness and good times which I never really deserved and is about to be all taken back. I'd like to think that maybe after this hard time that i'm going through, I will evenutally get the 'sweet' back.  I have always believed in things such as karma and what comes around, goes around. I know there are those that think these are just things innocent and naive people say, but I really do...or at least did. But right now, I am seriously that even if you do good for your whole life, sacrifice everything for your family and friends, all you get is pain and suffering. There is no cycle. There is no karma. Maybe it is what nice and innocent people say even when things go wrong. So why don't we all just break the law, do bad things...its all going to be the same outcome. Just look at all the rich people in the world...i bet you all of them has done bad things just to get to where they are.

My creative has gone a walk at the moment but I really wanted to blog about something...so here goes - my blog post about nothing haha

This morning, as I sat at my table trying to wait for my water to boil so I could make my coffee, I was contemplating how it would be so cool if I could speak like 10 different languages fluently. Not only could I understand people when they gossip about me or when they are scolding me in some random language, I would be able to meet so many new friends from all over the world. Unfortunately, I'm only fluent in two languages, Cantonese and english, and I mildly know of mandarin and Japanese..only a little bit. I have had several experiences, especially during my trip to Malaysia, I've had people give me death stares and then gossip to the girl/guy next to them in Malay or something or other. At the time I shrugged it off and thought they are probably just saying how handsome I was...haha but how I really wish I knew what they said..since I can't remember what they said, I'll just leave as they told me I was very kecak =)

I have learnt other languages before but I am not very language orientated. I learnt Japanese for about 6-7 years and I still can't speak it fluently. In other words, I'm a language dumbass :) I have already forgotten so much of it mainly because nobody speaks to me in Japanese nor do I ever practise. (if anyone is willing to give me free lessons, feel free to leave me a message :P) I don't know if anyone has ever noticed but there are some languages that sounds good and even sexy but then there are those that just sound rude and like their arguing even though it's a simple hello....here is the end of my "nothing" post and aren't you glad I wasted like 10 minute of your life :P hehehe

Signing Out,

I think everyone who is asian would know what I am going to talk about. When Asian Mums and Asian Dads tell you to come over to one of his/her friend's house just for a chat, when in fact they want you to meet their friend's daughter/son. I'm not saying that it only occurs with asian parents, but just a lot more do it. Recently I have been forced brought along for one of these 'match-making' sessions, however, it definitely wouldn't be my first.....or my last...This time it was to share my pharmacy knowledge and books with some friend's daughter who had also recently started pharmacy at my university....

Its also funny how when I confront my parents about not wanting to just meet some daughter of a auntie of a close friend's cousin, and they ALWAYS, without fail, say to me "why not? an extra friend never hurts!". I mean seriously...how much would you know about this 'girl'? Maybe she's a drug dealer, or maybe shes running a black market for child sex slaves haha you get what the picture...Unfortunately, my parents do not. And until that day, when they finally realise that after that meeting, I am probably never going to speak or even see that 'nice girl' ever again, let alone ask her to be your girlfriend or to marry her, I will probably have to continue to suffer go on these match-making sessions.

I think this occurs with almost all asian parents, especially mine as they probably won't be too happy if I brought back a caucasian girl as a daughter-in-law. Even though they have said the little speech about "As long as you are happy" several times in my life, my mum has always been edging for an asian girlfriend, through subtle hints, such as "i'll teach your girlfriend how to cook and make chinese soup" and "if you find a guai lo girlfriend, how will i communicate with her??". Which sorts of guai lo do you see making chinese soup? As a result, I have suffered through many of these match-making sessions just so I could meet the nice asian girl that my parents always wanted. 

My parents also like to use the excuse of 'planning ahead' and say 'you never know, you guys could become really good friends, shes a really nice girl". Just like how even at the age of 16/17, my feet COULD grow and fit into that shoe that was bought purposely 2 sizes too big so I could have room to grow. haha Don't get me wrong I am not making fun of asian parents, and especially not mine (mum, dad I LOVE YOU!). Its just I find it funny how everyone of my asian friends have experienced this and none of us has met the girl/guy of our dreams yet...so maybe someone could announce it on skynews or today tonight here in australia and maybe then mums will finally give up on these so-called 'meeting new friends slash i want you to meet your future wife" sessions........

Signing Out,

Yesterday morning I suddenly received a text from my best friend from school asking me if I was going to a mutual friend's party. At first I was like "nahhhh. I have to work on my assignment" like the good boy that I am. However, as I struggled to do any work on it through the whole afternoon and considering I haven't seen or spoken to him since New Years Eve 2010, I decided to text him back saying OK! haha

It was nice to see a few people from my high school whom I haven't seen since...well, graduating haha which was in 2007. With some it was awkward trying to make conversation after the intial "Hey! What are you up to these days?", whereas others it was just a non-stop gossip session. However, it was still much much better than being stuck at home trying to write about drugs.

During one of the gossiping sessions, we were all trying to decide on the sexual orientation of another friend of ours who has always been...hmm how do i say it...leaning towards the feminine side a bit more than usual. Apparently, there are things which can tell you if a person is gay or not. Although not entirely fool proof, but he told me that there is a higher chance of a person who has their hair that goes anti-clockwise (i.e. at that spot on the top of your head) of being gay than straight. I think he said it was about 30% to 10%. Also if your ring finger was longer than your index then there is also a higher chance of being gay. I really don't know how much I believe of that but its interesting how people can try and figure out which side you play for by just looking at your head or hands. So girls, before you go out and meet a new boyfriend take a look at their hands and the hair to avoid any unnecessary awkwardness further down in the relationship. hahaha :P

We also talked about having a gaydar and being able to feel a 'vibe' when around people who are on the same team as you. It seemed a bit derogatory for a bit as if gay people have a sixth sense and can smell out 'their own kind' haha but i guess its a term that everyone uses nowadays. Throughout this conversation I was trying not to laugh as my friend (who is gay) talked to me and my bestie's girlfriend about he knows who's gay and whose not by their body language and whether they give him the 'fuck me' face hahaha I told him to show me and to me it just seemed a bit like he was constipated or at least trying to do a number 2. hahahaha O.O

Overall it was a good night catching up with my friends and just having a bit of fun talking nonense and joking around. I don't think I've had any fun since I've been back from Malaysia and I have missed having it. Hopefully there will be more parties and more catching up in the near future. hehe

Signing Out,

Currently I am trying write my Quality Use of Medicines project which is due in about one weeks time. However, at this rate I seem to be going nowhere so I decided to give it a break. All of a sudden I thought, why not write a post on my blog hehe. You can never have too many blog updates, right...?

Doing the one month placement in a hospital in penang was not all fun and games..(well actually it was, but it wasnt supposed to) as I am supposed to write a 1500 word report on my experimental findings and also a 10-15 minute presentation including powerpoint on it. This is to apparently enhance both mine and my future colleague's learning....*cough*bs*cough* haha As you would imagine, since it was my first time in Malaysia , I did not do a lot of 'project-ing' but rather did heaps of travelling and eating and shopping etc. etc. You get the point...In other words, I left my project to the last minute haha anyone would have done the same right?? hahaha

I seriously cannot believe that I am in my last year of my pharmacy degree. During my placement, everyone was very surprised to find out that by the age of 21, I will have graduated and only be one year away from being a full fledged pharmacist. It actually feels quite surreal to me even thinking about it. If I saw myself as the one in charge of the pharmacy, or someone as young as me, I probably wouldn't listen to he/she said because I would be thinking, "does this little kid even know his stuff?!" In all the advertisements on tv, the pharmacist is almost ALWAYs someone old and has white hair and wearing a white coat. However, I fit NONE of those credentials haha well other than the fact that I have a 'few' white hairs on my head....

Hopefully I will be able to pass this year. My baby tells me that I need more faith in myself, but it still have a not-so-tiny doubt in my head as to whether I can do this or not. but for now, I need to concentrate on my project! I'll tell you guys the topic of my project so you will sympathise with my situation here. Its on 'The Incidence of Drug Interactions in a Hospital Setting, and whether the methods in place at that hospital is effective in identifying and preventing these interactions from occurring". Its a mouthful, I know. Trying writing a report on it.....

Signing Out,

I GIVE UP!! this is definitely one of phrases that I have used quite often in my life. Whenever something goes wrong or not to my liking, I'm always just like I give up! But recently trying to struggle through finding myself and what and who I want to be in the future, I've realized how childish and immature it is of me for always being like that. This is after real life and not just some video that can be reset if you lose.

After reading several blogs, I have become inspired by all the dreams and ambitions that they have. Ive come to realize nobody just hands you your dream on a silver platter. I have to work hard for it. Even though I'm not sure if I genuinely want to be a pharmacist, there's no way to know unless I work hard now and actually become one before I can start trying out different things and jobs and careers. It's not like I don't have time. I guess this is one of those questions that may take years and maybe my whole life. At least i tried dying right? Instead of just laying in my bed thinking "I don't know what to do with my life...."

People who know me may say "I've finally grown up" haha I hope you are right and it's about time! Next year I will have finished my degree and will have to start working! I better be grown up before that time! Haha anyway I'd like to thank those that have given me words of advice through this time of seeking myself. THANK YOU! I WON'T give up!!



Signing Out,