This is my first blog post in months! but anyhow things have been tough these past few months and i believe it will only get tougher. But what to do? No matter how corny or cliche this sounds but tough times can only make me stronger.
Right now I am completing the final semester of my study and after that I can finally place B.Pharm next to my name :D although 4 years ago I went into this thinking this will only be a stepping stone and it was my second choice but after spending so much time on something and thinking about the vast opportunities it could bring me...it doesnt sound so bad anymore! Yesterday I decided that if I dont receive an offer for medicine then I would move to singapore at the end of the year and look for a job as a pharmacist there and complete a year training there and possibly even stay and work for a few years before going on to another country, such as USA or Canada. I only just turning 21 at the end of the year so there is no reason to have commitments or a full-time job for the rest of my life yet. This time is "me time" and for me to go out there and experience the world! Plus, I can develop a VERY impressive CV when I do decide to settle and come back to Australia where I think I will eventually live and 'plant my roots'.
For the first time in my life, I feel as if for the past 20 years of my life, I have been living inside one of those plastic bubbles and now it has finally popped and I am out here by myself. I have been sheltered by my parents, my lover, my friends and even I didnt want to leave that bubble. But now it kinda feels like a lie, the world that I used to believe in, where happy endings exists and bad things don't happen, doesnt really exist. I have also been so focused on thinking about others I didnt even have time to think about me. Thinking about how I can change myself or do things to make those around me more happy. That has always been what I tried to aim for. But now i feel, "what about me? where do i fit in?". If you do all that for others, what happens when they leave? what will I have left? and I came to the conclusion that it would be a person that has changed so much that myself wouldnt recognise or like. Thinking about the things I have done in the past was quite stupid and silly but right now theres no point in looking back and trying to change the past. All I can do is thank the people who has helped me reach this point in life which allows me to get out of this fantasy of mine and live a real and fulfilling life.
For this I say thank you.
Signing Out,
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